we've been married a year!

and we haven't killed each other ;) haha.

{me reading my vows to hao} 

a year later- what i've learned: 

1. pick your battles: my spouse will make me mad. conflict is inevitable when you live and love in such a close space with another person. and it's okay. as much as i want to, though, i cannot nit pick my spouse. it will lead to unnecessary conflict and stress on the relationship. those small things that bother me, i gotta let them go and love hao as the man he is, the man i fell in love with.

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife {or hubby}." Proverbs 21:9 

"A quarrelsome wife {or hubby} is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her {him} is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand." 

Proverbs 27: 15-16

2. forgive quickly: i need to not let anger store up in my heart. but man, i've let this one happen and its made things so much worse. if i'd just dealt with the feelings and talked with God about them- let His perspective on the situation enter my heart- we both would have been better off. everyone sins. we all need to be forgiven. life is much easier when i talk about the conflict- open and honest- and then let it go.

"'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27

i think this scripture does not literally mean going to bed angry. sometimes hao and i have slept on it and discussed the next day and everything has been fine, great even. i think this scripture is saying not to let things go without discussion. don't let things build up- make sure we discuss what needs to be discussed, and soon! for us, our "discussions" have gone a lot better when we "pause" for a little while and then come back and discuss everything logically when our emotions have calmed down. sometimes that's the same day, sometimes it's the next. when we don't discuss things, we give the devil a foothold for bitterness, which in turn effects everything else in our relationship, and sometimes lives.  

3. submit to your spouse: honestly, i hate this one. i want to do what i want to do- and don't want to be interrupted. i used to not pay hao any mind when he needed something. i inadvertently showed him that what he needs is not nearly as important as what i need. and that's not good for any relationship. i need to give him what he needs. put his needs above my own {and he needs to put my needs above his}, which is super difficult. but, with the grace of God, is totally possible.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." 

Ephesians 5:21-27 

4. make each other laugh: i am not the funny one in our relationship. if it wasn't for hao, i would be serious almost all the time. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating my seriousness... but in all honesty, hao is the funny one in the family. whenever i'm upset, he knows how to make me feel better by laughing. he even does this when i'm mad at him. it used to irritate me, but now i kinda like it. it helps the "discussion" go a little bit smoother when we have a good laugh in the middle. 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

proverbs 17:22

5. accept each other for who you are: i'm gonna be really honest for a minute- there are some things that i'd love to change about hao. and i'm sure there are plenty of things that he'd love to change about me. there are some things that we do need to talk to each other about changing, especially when it involves sin, but we cannot spend our lives trying to change each other into to the people we want the other to be. we would spend our lives angry and frustrated because hao is who he is and i am who i am. people can change, but only so much. we were are created the way we were for a reason and purpose. the sooner we accept ourselves and our spouses, the better off we will be! 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15 

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

psalm 139: 13-16

ps- hao & i's wedding was chosen by carolina weddings magazine to be a feature in their summer/fall 2014 issue! we are so joyous that we've been given this opportunity! 

quotetastic sunday, take 2

for this week, i chose two of my favorite movies to pick from {10 things i hate about you & the notebook}

first, one of my all-time favorites, 10 things i hate about you: 

katarina may not be the nicest person in the world, but she does make some good points.

and now for.... the notebook: 

this is my favorite! 

happy sunday, y'all. hope it's full rest, run, and family! 

{link-ups}

Pursuing Peace

today i'm linking up with simple moments stick for faith and fellowship blog hop 

another book that i am currently reading is called pursuing peace  by robert d. jones. i was very excited read that he is a fellow NC resident! his teachings aer very biblically sound and are scriputrally based, which, ya know, is very important!!

conficlict is not my thing, like at all. i will do everything in my power to absoluelty avoid it. which means that most of the time i just get mad and don't do anything about it and let it fester. which makes me even madder. so, it's not fun. that led me to purchase this book.


i am going to focus on P. 23 in this book where it discuss "relational peace with others". based on romans 12:18, there are 4 parts to this concept.

1. persue peace
"we must pursue peace as our christian duty. ... to fail to seek peace with people is to disobey God. we have no option."

via

2. with everyone
"we must address all of our relationships. our Lord does not permit us to ignore even one relationship or dismiss any individual. ... while this 'with everyone' standard is admittedly high, God's power makes his command less daunting."

via

3. leave results to God
"'if it is possible', paul reminds us, we should live at peace. he acknowledges that a peaceful reult may not be possible; we have no guarantee that the other person will follow God's peacemaking plan. as the old saying goes, 'it takes two to tango.'"

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4. living & obedient sacrifice
"we must persue peace in light of God's mercy toward us in Christ. ... peacemaking is but one way we offer ourselves to God in sacrificial worship, and that obedience, like ever other command in romans 12, arises from the gospel of God's mercy in Christ."

via

this was just amazing to me!! it opened up a new perspective on having peace with others. after reading this i went back and read romans 12 and it was very eye-opening as well.

i'm learing right now that it's all about perspective. if i have the Lord's perspective in dealing with the people that cause conflict in my life, i am going to be able to be more peaceful with the people around me.


i love this book! if you would like to purchase it, you can find it here!

Being Content: Relationships.

today i'm linking up with Still Being Molly for funday monday!

so, as you have probably figured out, i am reading about 4 books at the same time. i go back and forth depending on the topic and what i'm struggling with/needing at the time.

this post is based on the book "calm my anxious heart" by linda dillow. so many life-changing concepts in this book!

in chapter 1, linda discusses the prescription/recipe for contentment, which sets the precedence for my ah-ha moments today:

via

as previously mention in this post & this post, i have been struggling with bitterness over the past few months. when i read this chapter today, things just clicked. i think i doggy-eared every page!  totally a God thing, ya know?! i just love it when God answers prayers and give specific directions on how he wants us to follow his will! 

anyways, the chapter is really talking about how to be content in our relationships- specifically forgiveness. here are some quotes from the book that really stood out to me:

"it's easy for us to think, he was God in the flesh; He didn't feel hurt and rejection like i do. but scripture tells us Jesus was in pain. he began to be grieved and distressed. "my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" {matthew 26:38). he needed his friends; he invited them to share his agony. the failed him. and to make matters worse, this happened two more times! it's one thing to be disappointed once, but can you imagine how you'd feel if your friends continued to fail you?" P.74

"Even after (his friends) betrayed him, Jesus reached out to (them). He forgave them, even though they had hurt him repeatedly." p.75
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via

ms. dillow references charles swendoll's book growing strong in the seasons of life to describe what bitterness does to our lives:

"bitterness steeps into the basement of our lives like run-off from a broken sewer pipe. every form of ugliness begins to float to the surface of those murky waters: prejudice and profanity, suspicion and hate, cruelty and cynicism. there is no torment like the inner torment of bitterness, which is the by-product of an unforgiving spirit. it refuses to be soothed, it refuses to be healed, it refuses to forget. there is no prison more damaging than the bars of bitterness that will not let the battle end." p. 76

this really hit home for me, describing some of the specific things i've been dealing with.

via

ms. dillow refers to {matthew 18:23-25} and then says, 'this is serious. did you hear what Jesus said? in other words, if i refuse to forgive jana, my husband, my children, my colleague, my friend, i will become a victim of torture -- meaning intense inner torment. the root of bitterness will literally eat me alive. i will become a walled in a concentration camp of my own making'" p.78

ohmygosh. super convicting. i have totally done this to myself.

via

"forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. forgiveness breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. while dying on the cross, Jesus said, "forgive them" - the roman soldiers, the religious leaders, his disciples who had fled in the darkness, even you and me who have denied him so many times-- 'forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" p. 79

"as i prayed for jana as asked, 'how can i bless her?' God gave me creative ways to reach out in love. ... did i feel like loving? no. did i feel like giving a blessing? no. but God continued to prompt me to go beyond forgiveness. to put the act of forgiving into the action of forgiving. to make secret choices in my heart, in my will. my choices had nothing whatsoever to do with my feelings." p. 81, bold emphasis, mine

holy cow. this is one of the biggest points for me!! she didn't feel like forgiving, but for herself and for her relationships- with that person and the Lord, she chose to forgive anyways. this is something that i continually need to remember. it's not how you feel, it's a choice you make. 

via

"we can't control others: husband, children, friends, roommate, coworker, relatives. we can't make choices for others, only for ourselves. we can trust God, and we can trust ourselves! we can do our part to pursue peace in relationships- and that brings contentment." p.83

i pray that as you read this, it helps you become more content in your life, especially with your relationships.

**if you'd like to read things book, which i highly recommend, you can buy it here**

for the single ladies & those needing a reminder of what God has in store for them

today i'm linking up with life in the wilde for resurrection blog hop! 

when my hubs, hao, plays his lovely awful video games, i go upstairs to my favorite place in the house, which is the furthest place from the living room. you've already seen a post on this ;)  as i was sitting upstairs today, i stumbled on my old journal from 2010 when i was going through some boy issues. {which was pretty often back then. i was so a boy-o-holic... and i didn't always make smart choices}

anyways, here's part of an entry that i thought i'd share {this was a note to myself}:
"also remember that no matter who in this world loves you and who doesn't- you're security is in Christ. so everything's gonna be okay 'cause no matter who hurts you or turns their back on you, Christ never will. He will always be there. you can rely on Him so you don't need to put your acceptance and/or your security in someone or something. God has got your back; you'll never be alone. rely on Him only."

"do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. if you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn & tear you to pieces."
Matthew 7:6
{ we need to be careful who we let into our lives. if we give our good stuff to the wrong, we will get hurt. we will get torn to pieces. and it won't be fun. i know this from experience. good horrible times.} 

as i typed this up, it spoke to my heart in multiple ways. it helped me realize that though i have to be nice and help people, i don't have to rely on other people's perceptions of me. i don't have to scrutinize ever decision i make or word i say. i don't have to worry about how i'm viewed.  God has that under control. he will fight for me and my security is in Him. and because of that i can stand on my own two feet no matter what happens.

it reminded me that even though people i trusted and truly thought had my back turn on me, Christ never will. he will always have my best interests at heart because he is my father who loves me dearly. he will make sure that when bad things happen, some good thing, big or so tiny you barely notice it, will come out of it. 

it has also made me thankful for who i married. honestly, hao is not who i thought i would marry. i thought i'd marry this super sensitive "i love Jesus. he is my best friend" cheesy kinda guy. that's who i prayed for. but that's not what i got. i got a hilariously sarcastic tough guy; and it's such a great thing. he pushes me to be a more secure and independent person. hao will not let me put my security in him. he will call my bluff, which requires to me to rely more on the Lord. and i wouldn't change that for anything in this world. 

it's really amazing to look back and see how God has answered your prayers and given you ever more than you could ever hope for... even more than you prayed for. 

**all images from google.com**