we've been married a year!

and we haven't killed each other ;) haha.

{me reading my vows to hao} 

a year later- what i've learned: 

1. pick your battles: my spouse will make me mad. conflict is inevitable when you live and love in such a close space with another person. and it's okay. as much as i want to, though, i cannot nit pick my spouse. it will lead to unnecessary conflict and stress on the relationship. those small things that bother me, i gotta let them go and love hao as the man he is, the man i fell in love with.

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife {or hubby}." Proverbs 21:9 

"A quarrelsome wife {or hubby} is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her {him} is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand." 

Proverbs 27: 15-16

2. forgive quickly: i need to not let anger store up in my heart. but man, i've let this one happen and its made things so much worse. if i'd just dealt with the feelings and talked with God about them- let His perspective on the situation enter my heart- we both would have been better off. everyone sins. we all need to be forgiven. life is much easier when i talk about the conflict- open and honest- and then let it go.

"'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27

i think this scripture does not literally mean going to bed angry. sometimes hao and i have slept on it and discussed the next day and everything has been fine, great even. i think this scripture is saying not to let things go without discussion. don't let things build up- make sure we discuss what needs to be discussed, and soon! for us, our "discussions" have gone a lot better when we "pause" for a little while and then come back and discuss everything logically when our emotions have calmed down. sometimes that's the same day, sometimes it's the next. when we don't discuss things, we give the devil a foothold for bitterness, which in turn effects everything else in our relationship, and sometimes lives.  

3. submit to your spouse: honestly, i hate this one. i want to do what i want to do- and don't want to be interrupted. i used to not pay hao any mind when he needed something. i inadvertently showed him that what he needs is not nearly as important as what i need. and that's not good for any relationship. i need to give him what he needs. put his needs above my own {and he needs to put my needs above his}, which is super difficult. but, with the grace of God, is totally possible.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." 

Ephesians 5:21-27 

4. make each other laugh: i am not the funny one in our relationship. if it wasn't for hao, i would be serious almost all the time. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating my seriousness... but in all honesty, hao is the funny one in the family. whenever i'm upset, he knows how to make me feel better by laughing. he even does this when i'm mad at him. it used to irritate me, but now i kinda like it. it helps the "discussion" go a little bit smoother when we have a good laugh in the middle. 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

proverbs 17:22

5. accept each other for who you are: i'm gonna be really honest for a minute- there are some things that i'd love to change about hao. and i'm sure there are plenty of things that he'd love to change about me. there are some things that we do need to talk to each other about changing, especially when it involves sin, but we cannot spend our lives trying to change each other into to the people we want the other to be. we would spend our lives angry and frustrated because hao is who he is and i am who i am. people can change, but only so much. we were are created the way we were for a reason and purpose. the sooner we accept ourselves and our spouses, the better off we will be! 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15 

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

psalm 139: 13-16

ps- hao & i's wedding was chosen by carolina weddings magazine to be a feature in their summer/fall 2014 issue! we are so joyous that we've been given this opportunity!